Tesla goons will buy anything – including these $150 beers
Sorry, 'CyberBeers'
When you have buggy, unstable alpha males hanging on Elon Musk's every word, it's only natural to want to sell them two beers for $150.
Which is exactly what Tesla has done with the latest addition to its "lifestyle" store, where the aspirational can do their darnedest to look like a Tesla owner and get fleeced in the process.
But these are no mere beers. These are CyberBeers poured into bottles paying homage to the "angular exoskeleton of the Cybertruck," Tesla's pickup model that looks like it hasn't rendered properly.
Tesla CyberBeer and CyberSteins
Under the hood, however, the 7 percent ABV brewskis are German-style Helles lagers "with European Noble Hops Saaz and Hallertau Mittlefruh... Accentuated by notes of herb and spice and more notable aromas of tea and citrus."
They were brewed and bottled in California by Buzzrock Brewing Co. which, we note, doesn't appear to produce any other $75 beers.
But we're selling them short. Not only do you get these sleek bottles sporting a "gloss black sleeve with a CyberBeer watermark," you also get a pair of CyberSteins "glazed and fired to mirror the form of Cybertruck and finished with a gloss interior and signature Tesla logo."
So you could share them with a friend – if friends are something Tesla obsessives have – but it would still be an expensive night in, and you might need something cheaper on hand lest you're left wondering where the other eight to 10 beers are.
- Musk in hot water with SEC for failure to comply with subpoena
- Musk's first year as Twitter's Dear Leader is nigh
- Equal Employment Commission sues Tesla for racist discrimination, retaliation at Fremont plant
- Elon Musk has beef with Bill Gates because he shorted Tesla stock, says biographer
While we're here, let's take a look at some of the other overpriced ephemera in the Tesla merch store, which back in 2020 was briefly selling Tesla tequila for $250.
If you lurk the webpage often, you might have been able to snag a CyberOpener to complement your CyberBeer for just $50. Alas, it is now sold out.
If you really want to play the part of Tesla owner, you could splash $245 on a Mega [back] Pack. And to truly prove your devotion to the Cult of Musk, consider branding yourself with a Tesla Branding Iron, inexplicably on sale for $70.
Timeout everyone. Y'all know that Musk's $500 'flamethrower' is literally a Boring blowtorch?
READ MORESticking with the Cybertruck theme, though, lucky Dogecoin holders cleared the store of the Cyberwhistle, which was going for 1,000 DOGE. The Register wonders whether the "premium collectible made from medical-grade stainless steel" is a reference to the alt-right "dog whistles" the world's richest man routinely pumps out onto X, formerly Twitter, his latest pet project.
Speaking of which, the Tesla and SpaceX CEO has been on a George Orwell kick lately, posting a meme of the 1984 author captioned: "Boy did I call it or what?" Musk also said he's "loving" his new T-shirt, which features an eye and the words: "What would Orwell think."
What would Orwell think of Elon Musk? We can't possibly comment – this is a family enterprise IT publication. ®
Biting the hand that feeds IT
